11
Mar
08

Yes–It’s true. It’s all true…

It’s confirmed. Our military is pure evil. Unrestrained, unrefined, evil… 

Unfortunately, Sgt. Rock and G.I. Joe were photographed, smirking no-less, while standing atop a giant, and previously-though-extinct, squirrel. A dead squirrel, though it’s unclear how it came to that state.

Army C.I.D. is investigating the incident, and representatives for the Army called the act, “Beyond the pale” and “Without precedent in our proud history–and senselessly cruel.”

Rage filled the pages of blogs and cries for justice too. One person with the screen name, “bushlied”, vented their rage at the terrible act: “I’d like to see Sgt. Rock shot up with BB guns and then have my dog, Tootles, chew on him for a while, chew him until he screams for mercy! The mercy that the squirrel never got!”

Another, screen name, “ronpaul08”, said: “Yeah, biiiiig tough soldier, G.I. Joe. Let’s see what happens when I pour gas on you and light your ass on fire! But I hope you don’t die, ’cause I’ve got more for you. I’d like to take you out into my shed, and stick firecrackers down your polyester camos, watch your plastic groin-parts fly in every direction!”

A MySpace page has been found by several surfers, the blogs there containing an apparent confession by G.I. Joe: “Look. I’m sorry. War got to me. It’s tough, and ya’ll mall-shoppers don’t get it. I’m a trained killer, plain and simple. The Army equiped me with this here Kung-Fu-Grip, and once the squirrel was in my clutches, I wouldn’t–no–I couldn’t let go.

Sgt. Rock was more reticent as he was led into custody by investigators. Authorites found him practicing throwing pineapple grenades at cardboard cutouts of a squirrel, a trademark cigarette hanging from his lips, his Army-issue shirt torn assunder. He scowled at cameramen as they tried to snap photos of him as he was led away.

Here is the photo, published anonymously last week on Photoshack: WARNING–GRAPHIC.

men.jpg

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8 Responses to “Yes–It’s true. It’s all true…”


  1. March 11, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    Your rage has unbalanced you. 🙂

  2. 3 Sleebus.jones
    March 14, 2008 at 12:46 am

    tldr

  3. March 17, 2008 at 3:20 am

    Awww…the poor dears! Found you via MFB; I like what I see so far. Stop by my blog sometime.

  4. March 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    You’re on my blogroll now. Keep it up!

  5. 6 prfoesser
    July 7, 2008 at 8:40 am

    marvin Says:
    March 13, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    first

    First FAIL

  6. 7 professer
    July 7, 2008 at 8:40 am

    Wow, way to misspell my own name. >.>

  7. 8 professer
    July 7, 2008 at 8:41 am

    First fail


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