The world will soon end, so buy Al Gore’s book. Hurry.

This is Al Gore speaking. You can trust me. If you can read this message, please run to the nearest exit, make your way to your hybrid automobile, and carefully drive to your nearest Barnes & Noble. Or you can fly there with me, in my private jet, where I’m scheduled to meet with dozens of lauding women who don’t shave their armpits, don’t wear makeup and carry copies of Why Do I Think I’m Nothing Without A Man? in large wicker purses. Within, purchase any one of my books. Hidden in the sacred tomes, you will find wisdom passed down from liberal extremists for generations. I’ve touched it up a bit so you’ll think it’s all new. And I’ll be on MTV also, telling you that within ten years, we’ll all be the proverbial slow-boiling frog, each of us contently watching our skin poach away and smelling the sweetness of our own cooking flesh. Anyway, wanna grab lunch?

Okay, alright, that wasn’t Al Gore. I made it up. But it was still good. Admit it, you laughed. I couldn’t help but think of poor Al as I read an article from the April edition of Newsweek. The article is written by guest writer Richard Lindzen, MIT professor of meteorology. In it, he expounds many of the things I’ve said all along about global warming. Like:

-There has been a net warming of the earth of the the last century and a half, though there have been notable periods of cooling too.

-Human greenhouse gasses are probably contributing at some level.

-That being said, Lindzen hits us with a big–SO WHAT?

-There is no scientific evidence to support the statement that global warming will contribute to an impending catastrophe.

-The earth is always warming or cooling

-We don’t know what the optimal temperature of the Earth is.

-There is no evidence of increase in the frequency of extreme weather patterns. The World Meteorological Organization says so. Just because the news shows every bad thunderstorm taking place in Zimbabwe doesn’t mean it didn’t happen that way 1000 years ago.

-Sea levels have been increasing since the last ice age.

-The models have been wrong so far–the temperature hasn’t risen as fast as they predicted they would after a doubling of CO2 in the atmosphere.

-There was a large warming period between 1050-1300. As far as I know William the Conqueror and his peeps weren’t driving Hummers then.

I’ve touched on almost all aspects of this excellent article, but here’s the link so you can read it for yourself: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17997788/site/newsweek/#storyContinued

Finally, it seems that the only change that liberals really want is an overhaul of traditional Christian values. Conservatives are usually charged with resisting change. I don’t see it. Liberals want to make sure that no animal ever faces extinction despite the fact that said animal may be following the survival of the fittest edict. “Curse you Darwin, for decimating the Dodo, but, but bless you Darwin for ridding us of God!”

When change stops, we will die. It’s called the heat-death and the universe will face it in some 100 trillion trillion trillion years or so. Everything will be in complete homeostasis and the libs will be in Xanadu.

3 Responses to “The world will soon end, so buy Al Gore’s book. Hurry.”

  1. 1 Victoria
    August 8, 2007 at 2:53 am

    Hey! I actually agree with you on this!
    All scientists agree on one thing: At any one moment, the Earth is changing, whether warm or cool.
    See, all liberals aren’t crazy!

  2. 2 Michael LaBossiere
    August 8, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    I’m surprised your fingers don’t ctach fire from typing such falsehoods. :)Of course, that would lead to more global warming.

  3. 3 Kernunos
    August 13, 2007 at 2:25 am

    Al Gore is like most politicians. He is a loser that cannot endure a real hard day of work. He needs to push a religion like global warming that makes wads of dough for himself. Global warming as a phenomenon of natural cycles I admit is real. Global warming as a political cause is nothing but a money making scam that the government not only endorses but also sponsers. The U.S. Goverment gives Billions of dollars a year in grants to studies pertaining to global warming. Hmmm, I think I’m in the wrong business.

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